RANSVESTIA

For the moment I am comfortable but I can feel the urge to move to the next plateau welling my breast and I want to be ready for it. Sometimes I am frightened by the ferocity of the feeling that over- whelms me when dressing is necessary and I need to avoid being totally consumed by that feeling at some point and acting precipi- tately and without planning. That would destroy brother.

As an example, yesterday I could feel the need for release from stress all day. In the late afternoon I finished my last obligation and set out for home, there to dress and relax. When the traffic got snarled and brother was stopped, I nearly died. I thought that I would go berserk. I pounded on the steering wheel amost the whole time that other cars blocked us and when finally we were on our way again, I kept pressing brother's foot closer to the floor so that we would get home sooner. By the time we got to the front door I was frantic and had brother forego eating until I could come out. Then we ate because I was more calm and ready to deal with whatever had to be met. That scares both of us.

So I need to be ready so that when the moment comes that I must move from the plateau, there will be a plan that is safe and secure for both brother and me. And I know that it will come-it always has. When I was first born, getting dressed was "sexy," and I always ended by masturbating. That lasted many years. Then came a period where there was no masturbation, but I always felt dressed. Now it is just a natural, warm feeling that all is right with me and the world. When I am dressed, I don't feel dressed, I feel right.

Enough Virginia, I must go. I feel better for having talked to you and I hoped that when I finally do let go that you will remember all the times that I have written to you-from many places and at many stages of my fem life.

Love,

54

Nancy